Well, that was fast — I thought I wasn’t supposed to be running any races.
Except those for which I was already registered. And the “it’s a charitable donation when I run like shit” ones. This was the latter.
I was actually divided on whether to do it; yeah, it might be a good cause, but my mental state can’t handle much more flagellation regardless of that.
To recap: I have been going in circles of exhaustion for the past six months, and my doctor had me wasting time going to sleep clinics and such nonsense when the issue is clearly not that I don’t sleep well. I mean, I don’t sleep well, but I haven’t slept well in at least thirty years, and I have been able to run relatively fast over some of that time period, so I highly doubt that is the problem. So I got my bloodwork done again, and while it’s still on the low end, my ferritin is pretty high for me, so that isn’t the problem either. I scheduled a video visit to go over the results with my doctor, but I’m not sure what that will accomplish, because I’ll probably just get another, “Everything looks normal, you’re fine.” I. Am. Not. Fine.
I am also not fine mentally, because when one of the very few things you can do sort of competently is no longer something you can do competently, it does a number on your self-esteem. Assuming you had any, that is. Which I didn’t, really.
So I am left with the tenuous hypothesis that this is RED-S. Which is baffling for a number of reasons I will not get into because in my old age I have learned that nobody actually gives a shit about all the random thoughts that go through my head, but operating under that hypothesis, I am attempting to turn into a human vacuum cleaner, and I feel like I am always eating, and oh yes, did I mention that my mental state is … quite precarious? Yeah, so that’s where I was at going into this.
But I went to bed early enough to allow me to get up to run the race, since I did a little workout on Friday (15×30/90) … the same one I did the week before the 5 Towns 5K. And my average pace for the workout portion was over thirty seconds per mile faster. Which I think had more to do with the fact that I was using a different track and didn’t have to worry about sharp turns (an oval vs. a square) or oblivious ballplayers and fast-moving projectiles than my own fitness, plus thirty second repeats aren’t really indicative of how fast I will fall apart in a 5K when my problem has been maintaining pace, but whatever, it did help me a little mentally.
And then I got aura, so I had to take migraine meds, which meant caffeine, which meant no sleep for me. I may have gotten a total of three hours. Couple that with my digestive system being cranky all night (seriously, you’re supposed to at least wait until I’m awake for the day), and I’d have to be an idiot to go register for a race. In the rain.
I am an idiot.
It wasn’t actually supposed to start raining until later in the day, so I was quite unprepared for this. I forgot to bring along a hat or visor, which meant I’d be squinting through the raindrops. I suppose it doesn’t matter, since I’d have been squinting through a headache anyway. I also neglected to bring along anything to wear over my race kit during my warmup, so I’d be starting already soaking wet. Luckily, I remembered I had a couple of large garbage bags in my car (don’t ask), so I tore a neck hole and arm holes into one of them and wore that to run a couple of miles. My feet would get wet, but not much I could do about that.
I had intended to run the course pre-race, since the first time I did this, it was poorly marked. But by the time I managed to drag myself out into the rain, I worried I wouldn’t be able to get it all in, and since, unlike last year, I did not have any desire whatsoever to check my pace while I was running, I figured I could just leave it on the map screen during the race. It really wouldn’t matter what my official time was, since it’s a short course (should be corrected for next year). Not that it would make a difference either way, since I am nowhere near capable of running a PR.
If you look behind the woman in pink leggings, you will see my feet. I had no energy to bother with trying to get in front of the kids who would go out like their pants were on fire and inevitably flame out (no pun intended). Within the first half mile, I was running alone, which meant I had the lead cop car and didn’t need to check the map on my watch. And then a guy passed me; he didn’t get that far ahead, but I couldn’t tell whether I was running super slow or it just felt like it… so I decided to just not let the gap widen and attempt to keep to what I thought was an even effort. (I was very happy that there were no clocks at the mile markers.)
The race did feel like it was going on forever, and I was sure I had been running for a very long time. But then, just before we made the final turn to the finish, I pulled even with the guy ahead of me — which I guess is progress, since it is indicative of a finishing kick of sorts.
We approached that gate side by side. And then I eased up a little, because I wanted my own finish line photo.
Which is too bad, since those couple of seconds made this my slowest Brandeis 5K instead of matching my time from last year. But even so, it’s been a long while since I’ve run a 5K fast enough to see a 19:xx on the clock… probably the end of last summer? It would be nice if I could actually make it across the finish line while it still said that, though.
Garmin recorded 3.09 miles in 20:24, 6:36/mi (getting closer to 5K). While I’m not thrilled with the overall time, considering I’d expect to be running more than a minute faster, at least it’s trending in the right direction: and I’m glad that the splits are relatively even. Honestly, it’s better than I was expecting, given that I was (and still am) so exhausted I could puke. I’m hoping that’s just because I slept (or didn’t sleep) like utter shit last night.
Officially, 3.1 miles in 20:23, 6:34/mi. 2/152 OA, 1/87 F.
Really could have used a damn visor.
Running Break 