NYRR Midnight Run 2023

It should go without saying that I have less than zero desire to run Harry’s Handicap, though the whole “freeze outside a church” thing never made me too excited about it. But doing this race is pure idiocy, which I openly acknowledge.

First off, I am old, I go to bed at senior citizen time. Why would I choose to run a race at an hour when I would normally be snuggled up in a nice warm bed? Why, in fact, would I choose to run a race at all, when, as previously established (see: 2022 and 2023), I can’t do anything but suck at it?

But, as also previously established (see: my date of birth until now), I am very often quite dumb. And so here I was. Arriving super early to avoid the horrific security lines of which I was warned, only to find that they didn’t exist. Or maybe they did. Later. While I had ninety minutes to cycle in and out of various porta potties, because what else was I going to do? Stare at all the people bundled up in tights and long sleeves and jackets, fretting about how horribly underdressed I appeared to be? (In my defense, I did purchase a long-sleeved shirt on which I plan to put the NJR logo. I just haven’t done it yet.) No, apparently a better use of that time was to have a panic attack. Because it makes total sense to do that before a race that means less than nothing.

All that time in porta potties, and then when I gave up on the idea of a warmup (it was just way too crowded for that, and any egress points were blocked off), I couldn’t even make a final trip because the lines were too long. My long trek from there to corral D — the only way to get to the other side of the roadway and the corral entrances — and back to A would have to suffice.

There was no real goal for this race, because it’s hard to set a goal when I have no idea anymore what I can or can’t do. I was supposed to go out at a 7/10 effort and try to negative split, which would be an interesting experiment since I almost never negative split anything anymore, and I can’t determine what constitutes a 7/10 effort since everything feels like 10/10. And I wasn’t planning to look at my watch. So. An experiment indeed. (All I really wanted to do was run a sub-7 mile again. Remember when I was realistically shooting for an entire marathon at that pace? Let’s not go there, it’s too depressing.)

The start of this race is really cool, I will admit that. Fireworks instead of a starting horn was pretty awesome, and we were running out right underneath them, so there was a kaleidoscope of color over the whole roadway. But then we ran away from them, and up Cat Hill we went, and while I’ve never particularly minded Cat Hill, a speed bump these days might as well be Everest to me, so if I’m expected to run uphill, I’m screwed. Ergo, it wasn’t surprising that when I came across the first mile marker, it said 7:35. I knew my actual pace was a little faster than that, but I hadn’t taken note of the clock when I crossed the start line, so I wasn’t sure by how much.

The second mile is, to me, the only really friendly part of Central Park. I figured if I was going to squeak out a sub-7 mile, that would be the one. I’m not sure if I actually did (officially), because I don’t remember what the clock said other than that it started with a 14, and there was a non-straight number after that. 14:2x, 14:3x, 14:4x, 14:5x … who knows? I’m leaning toward one of the latter two because I seem to remember thinking that if I finished in under thirty minutes, it would be a negative split.

The third mile is the worst. I have always hated the West Side Hills, and they hate me back. I believe it was just over 22 minutes when I passed the third mile marker, which meant that barring a disaster (not unlikely), I’d be able to finish in under thirty minutes. Which is sad when I was once aiming for under 26:00, but whatever.

At least I did run an official sub-7 mile, because I finished in under 29:00 by the clock. And I even had a pathetic kick, which is only because it was a downhill finish. I assure you that was 100% gravity, 0% me.

Look at that… two sub-7 miles. Much speed. (Much sarcasm.)

Garmin recorded 4.04 miles in 28:48, 7:08/mi.

Officially, 4 miles in 28:46, 7:12/mi. 188/4794 OA, 20/2541 F, and 2/285 F35-39. That last one is a surprise, but then, this isn’t a race people tend to run for speed, it’s more of an experience thing.

And I am glad I had the experience. I’m less glad that it was exactly two minutes slower than my PR, but the more time that passes with me being useless at races, the more I believe that’s all I will ever be able to do, and I’m getting to the point of being too exhausted to even care.